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The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are
composed entirely of lost airline baggage
An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex
was safe
Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist
invents the aero plane, the pessimist! the parachute.
Airlines have really changed, now a flight attendant can get a pilot
pregnant.
If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic
helicopter fly-ins
Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers &
helicopters -- in that order -- need two!
There are only three things the copilot should ever say:
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I'll buy the first round.
3. I'll take the ugly one.
As a pilot, only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will.
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your
last flight.
b. One day you will walk out to the aircraft not knowing that it is your
last flight.
There are Rules and there are Laws. The Rules are made by men who think
that they know how to fly your airplane better than you.
Laws (of Physics) are made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes
should, suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.
About Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea
and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g.,
If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge).
The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.
To become a
jet pilot, one must be an egomaniac with low self esteem.
The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.
Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot
is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the
intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over I know of no
expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.
Before each flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel
tanks are full!
He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he
that demands one iota more is a fool.
There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.
The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by
that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely,
there are no limits.
Flying is a great way of life for men who want to feel like boys, but
not for those who still are.
Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.
Forget all that stuff about lift, gravity, thrust and drag. An airplane
flies because of money. If God had meant man to fly, He'd have given him
more money.
'If the
Wright brothers were alive today Wilbur would have to fire
Orville to reduce costs.' President
DELTA Airlines!
In the Alaska bush I'd rather have a two hour bladder and three hours of
gas than vice versa.
It's not that all airplane pilots are good-looking. Its Just that
good-looking people seem more capable of flying airplanes. Or so
seasoned observers contend. A matter of self-confidence? No doubt, no
doubt.
I've flown in both pilot seats, can someone tell me why the other one is
always occupied by an idiot?
Son, you're going to have to make up your mind about growing up and
becoming a pilot. You can't do both.
There are only two types of aircraft -- fighters and targets.
You define a good flight by negatives: you didn't get hijacked, you
didn't crash, you didn't throw up, you weren't late, and you weren't
nauseated by the food. So you're grateful.
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